Every new Beginning comes from some other Beginning’s End

Last January, after a bittersweet Christmas season, I did what every self-respecting “NFJ” (the I/E conflict rages on, but is unimportant in this instance) would do – I tried to create an umbrella of emotion and proper nouns under which to include all the experiences I’d had in the last year.  I struggled, grabbing and missing and stretching and squeezing until finally I found something – Love.  I decided 2007 was the year of love.  I acknowledged its many forms – some quietly beautiful, others quietly malignant, and still others aflame with passion.

Tis the season again.  The season to jump through introspective hoops, looking for something that unifies the experiences of the last 12 months.  This year, I settled on the theme of Endings.

Sounds kind of like a cop out, doesn’t it.  Hardly a proper noun until I capitalized it, and seemingly obvious as the calendar year draws to a close.

48 hours.  “What changed in 48 hours?”  he asked me in the dark wee hours of the morning.  2 days. 2 years. It wasn’t until last night that I could answer.

In 2007, we were in the thick of it.  Relationships began, strengthened, and started to fall apart.  I embarked on a period of travel – 8 months abroad and some awkward minutes inbetween.   The sophomore slump came on strong but fooled all of us when it continued into the first semester of senior year.    2007 was saturated, so full of life changing experiences that they spilled over to the first few months of 2008.   But by February, things began to unwind.

Daughter of a funeral-home family, I can’t help but notice empirically the numbers of deaths I’ve seen firsthand this year.  Grandma Buse.  Dylan.  Doris. Greg.  Two of a close friend’s grandparents.  Evie.  Young and old, merciful and unexpected, the end of their years drew a close not only to their own stories but pieces of ours.  I watched them begin in February and continue on throughout the year up to the bitter end.

Relationships ended.  Some were intentionally destroyed with the lucky ones being rebuilt, brick by brick.  Others have simply faded into the miles of inevitable truth that separates those involved.  We’ve all realized what we need, and what we don’t.  We adjusted accordingly.

The days of wine and roses ended.  America is in a recession (to put it mildly) and the days when Detroit automakers took bonuses and good benefits home to their middle class families are fading fast.

And as much as I hate to say it, College is ending.  This place that we know, that we know how to live in, that we know how to thrive in, this place that we call our home will not be ours for much longer.

But our depression is ending.  The economy may be reeling, but we are not. anymore.  Each of us letting go of our demons. Slowly. Carefully. Sometimes Painfully, sometimes Gracefully.  Each of us is an entirely different person than we were, and we are burring the lost souls we were in the soil of the past, fertilizing the parts of ourselves that now grow stronger by the day.

Tonight’s the night the world begins again.  A Christmas song of sorts that sounds a lot like all the other songs by that artist which sound a lot like a lot of other artists.  It played (blared) in the airport at 4:30 in the morning almost two years ago, and it came on the the radio last night.  I laughed out loud, and realized it was true.  This year has brought the end for many things.  Beginnings that ended here, with champagne, tears, and the soft glow of candles.  And new beginnings are springing up from where the others left off.

This New Year’s Eve, let’s toast to endings.  And Beginnings.

“So take these words, and sing out loud.  Cuz everyone is forgiven now.  Cuz tonight’s the night the world begins again.”

yours.Rachel